xxxAllegiant Spoiler:To resurface
by lifeOFillusions
Summary: ALLEGIANT SPOILERS! the End devastated me, So here is my version of how it should have ended. -Tris is strong, she will make it through this... but when she does what if she loses her memories? FourTris 4ever! (T for now, ratings will change later)
1. Chapter 50

a/n: I do not own divergent series or the characters. Veronica Roth does, who she murdered really easily by the way… so I feel like she doesn't deserve them…. But they can always live in our hearts. Long live Tris, Uriah, Natalie and Andrew Prior, Lynn, Marlene, Will, Al, (not Eric or Edward), and TRIS (yep said her name twice coz it needed to happen!) alright im done! This is the part where she already hit the button and is lay dying on the ground(or is she!) ~and then Cara and Caleb arrive in the weapons room…. Hope you love this. Read and review pleeaasee!

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**Chapter Fifty**

_**Tris**_

I hear a couple more gun shots, as I slump to the ground. I touch my cheek which soaked with blood and stare at my hands covered with blood, its dark. Is blood supposed to be this dark? Or is it dark from all the blood loss or maybe my vision is slowly disappearing. If David shot me again, it doesn't matter anymore because I am too numb to feel anything else other than that I am cold, I can feel myself slipping away but I still have the strength to look at him, he is slumped in his chair, _lifeless._

Behind him I can see _my mother_; she walks out from behind him. She stops in front of me and smiles. "Hello, Beatrice." She says.

"Oh my god…" I heard a familiar voice from the entrance of the weapons room said, I realized it was Cara, "There is so much blood!" Cara gasped.

"I'll call for help!" another voice I recognize yells, it is Matthew's. Then I hear him running away from the weapons room and into the hallway, he is screaming for paramedics to come to the weapon's room.

"Tris!" I hear Caleb's voice and I heard footsteps running towards me, he just walked through our mom.

I was about to grunt at him saying that mom is right there, she is dressed in the same clothes she wore the last time I saw her, Abnegation gray, stained with her blood, with her bare arms to showing her tattoo. There are still bullet holes in her shirt; through them I can see her wounded skin. She is standing still not breaking her eye contact with me and not even acknowledging that Caleb is there kneeling in front of me who is hesitating to hold me or come near me afraid that I might break if he does either.

But I know he can't see her because mom is dead. Maybe, I'm just seeing her because I'm delirious with blood loss or if the death serum has addled my thoughts or if she is here in some other way. Maybe, Caleb is part of my thoughts too, of someone I want to see before I die. Maybe, Tobias would be here soon too…

"Tris," Caleb chokes out a sob, he carefully lifts me onto his lap, and his body feels warm against my cold body. He wipes the blood off my cheek, but more keeps falls on my cheek, his hands are also dark with my blood. "Hold on Tris, it's going to be alright." He tries to reassure me but there is doubt in his voice that he tries to hide. He is trying hard to believe what he says, but his logic disagrees with him and his love for his sister disagrees with his logic.

_I'm not sure if it's going to be alright, _I want to say to him but I have no strength to, even breathing which is a voluntary act now feels like a chore to do. My head slumps into his shoulder, a heavy feeling tugs at the back of my head, a familiar feeling. That heavy feeling like I'm trying to fight the truth serum during my interrogation at Candor and during factionless trials, even that feeling I had a few minutes when I was trying to fight the death serum. My mind tries to fight this tugging feeling but I am too weak and too tired to fight anything. I just want to close my eyes and maybe sleep. But I'm not sure I want to just yet, I mean, mom is still looking at me as if she's waiting for something and then there's Caleb whose voice keeps urging me to hold on and fight.

"It's is going to be okay, Tris… it will be. It has to be." Caleb mumbles into my forehead, his breath is the only source of heat into my body. "You need to hold on for everyone waiting for you." Tears from his eyes started falling into my already soaked forehead, "Fight for Tobias, he's coming here. He's on his way here…Please Tris…." He begs. I could feel him rocking us back and forth, he brushes my blood soaked hair away from my eyes.

I wanted to say sorry to him for putting him through this, and also want to thank him for being here with him so I wouldn't be alone. I feel myself shake involuntarily and I hear a gurgling sound from my throat, I could feel the metallic salt taste of blood in my mouth. That slight tugging feeling in my head feels stronger now, and it slowly moves into my eyes making my eye lids hard to stay open. Mom and Caleb's face blur together when my vision does.

"No, Tris!" he urges, "Fight it Tris, fight it for Tobias if not for anyone else!"

But I couldn't take it anymore; everything seems to be getting more difficult to do like staying awake, breathing, listening, and most of all _fighting_. I welcome the heaviness in my head whatever it will bring me and my eyes slowly close.

"Tris!" Caleb cries as he holds me tighter into his chest his lips touching my forehead

_Goodbye Caleb…_

_I love you Tobias..._

While the darkness was slowly swallowing me, Mom finally moved from her spot and instead of Caleb holding me, she's the one holding me. "My dear child you've done so well," she whispers at my ear, she touches my cheek her hands cool to the touch.

In the darkness, she's the only one I see. She reaches for my hand and I take it. And I fade away with the darkness.

I hear soft whispers before I let go.

_Tris, fight for Tobias._

_Tris!_

And then nothing else but silence and emptiness follows, I have no idea how long I've been here but I know I have been standing here. Seeing only pitch black, I am alone yet not at the same time. I was never afraid of the dark but this darkness doesn't seem frightening, it is comforting.

"_Come back to me Tris…" _I hear a voice and it echoes here bouncing off everywhere even though it's a whisper it sounds like a scream, someone pleading or maybe a prayer.

A light from ahead of me suddenly blinds me. It is too far away and I don't know if I want to go to it. I only stare at it, tempted to pursue it.

"Tris…" a voice pleads again from the shadows beckoning me more than the light. And so I turn away from the light. And keep walking into nothingness, and lose myself in it as if I own it.

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**a/n: Alright R&R, please :) motivation to write :p**

** a/n: I love divergent, insurgent. And HAAATE Allegiant. I love everything about it but THE END. Sure she can kill tris, it's her right. But still doesn't mean we, her fans, should be okay with it. Sure death happens, in reality death doesn't matter how old someone is or how loved someone is. But it's her story, and she wanted to end it that way so be it. Though, we read books because we have a powerful imagination! So here is my version on how it should have ended! Oh and one more thing (Tris! Why on earth did you jump into the controls! David is wheelchair bound for crying out loud! All you needed to do was freaking jump him and wrestle the gun from his grasp! He's a terrible shot, sure he'd probably end up shooting you but you're dauntless for crying out loud! Take the pain and knock his ass out! And then go for the controls. Your impulse makes you stupid sometimes… and you've always been smart! Wheelchair bound who doesn't know how to shoot VS a bad ass dauntless divergent! You would have won!) OMMGG I am still livid from the events leading to the end, and the end. (Though I loved the epilogue) PLUS the fact that she died by herself! I mean, sure her _mom _was there, it probably was her imagination… Caleb should have been there to hold her as she dies! She shouldn't have been alone! sooooo Tris and Uriah are dead but Peter lives? She kills everyone else but Peter? Seriously! … ok sorry rant over. If you want to rant too... feel free! I love to hear what you think about Allegiant.  
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	2. Chapter 51

A/N:some lines are from the book as well, using them in different spots to fit this fanfiction… Thanks for the reviews… and follows. I am soo ready to write more… as usual go ahead and tell me what you think and of course rant away! I want to hear opinions of allegiant, maybe it will help me accept the end. -or not! Five stages of death... Denial (check), depression(check), bargaining(Peter! Drew! Caleb! Evelyn! Marcus! Christina? Maybe Tobias! Anyone but Tris!), anger(CHECK!), acceptance(NEVER!)

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**Chapter Fifty-one**

_**Tobias**_

I do not move, I am keeping still. That is all I've been doing the past eighteen hours, six minutes and fifteen seconds. I am afraid to make sudden movements, afraid that this will result to something that I didn't want to happen. I just want to stay still hoping that if I do all of this trance will wake me up, hoping that it would all be a nightmare. All of this… I would gladly take the war from inside the walls of our old home. Factionless Vs. Allegiant, I would hide from them, run away from all that and just be with her. Spend all my time with her at all times; never let her out of my sight again…

_But that's not what Tris would have done, _I say to myself. Tris would do this all over again if it meant changing something for the better. I mean she is in position because of that passion!

The doctor is talking to us in the room, mostly addressing to me. But I do not comprehend what he says. All I hear is the repetitive _beep... beep.. beep _from the machine that Tris is hooked up to.

I watch her breath regularly, as if she's asleep. Like I've done the night before, her three bird tattoos on her chest rise as she breathes. I blink and the memories of her and I in my mind play when we finally conquered her fear of intimacy. _Our_ fear of intimacy… How timid and nervous she was, how her lips would tremble between mine with every new touch we explore together. I shook that thought off, how stupid of me to be thinking about that when she might not be able to wake up from this. This is something I should share with her when she wakes up. _If she wakes up, _a sad voice says in my head.

_No! She has to wake up, I need her to! Tris has always been strong. She will pull through this. _My thoughts are weak but I still hope, hope that she will pull through this as she did when she was under the death serum.

I stare at her pale face and I see a few strands of hair stuck to her lips, I shakily lean forward pushing the hair away from her face. I linger between her lips, she felt a cold to the touch but she's breathing at least… _she's still breathing._

"Four…" Christina's voice brings me back from my thoughts, barely. She has been the only one who could. She and I both had the same regret of not being there with her to find her. But either way, she can only hold my attention for a few seconds. I always fall into my trance of just watching Tris and listening to the _beep… beep… beep _of the machines as if it is my only lifeline as well.

Christina's mouth is moving but I can't comprehend what she is saying, "Four…" she says again, her voice insisting for me to look at her, to _really _look at her.

The doctor left and everyone else did too. Huh, I didn't even notice they were here.

"No." I say weakly. My brain processed that she was asking if I needed anything.

"Four…" she sighs, "You haven't eaten in a day…"

_Eighteen hours, twenty minutes and seven seconds._ My brain processes. It's the only way I can keep myself from my thoughts, counting time and watching her.

"Four…"

"No." I say firmly. I stare into her bloodshot eyes, and she flinches. I probably was too harsh on her. But I do not care. I do not care at all anymore. I see that her nose is as red as her eyes, she's been crying. My chest clenches with jealously. I want to express emotion too, other than being this frozen, emotionless person. But I refuse to cry, if I cry I feel like I admitted to myself that all hope is loss. That if I cry I would succumb to my grief I also admitted that Tris isn't going to fight this and come back to us.

I look away from Christina and start watching Tris again. Even though, I know she's strong there is that tight feeling in my chest that says she might not be able to make it. I shove that feeling away as I have been doing and listen to the machines to keep myself calm.

I hear Christina leave and I am alone once again with her. I remember I would always say to Tris how I always wish we were alone. And this is the only time that I wish that I wasn't, but at the same time I am not a good company for anyone to even ask for anyone to stay with me. Cara tried to talk to me once but all I could do was nod, asking if I understand what was happening and what will be happening the next few hours. But honestly, I didn't care what she was saying… Tris is here. She's breathing… she's holding on…

I remembered Cara's voice, sad and grief, when she tells me what had happened in the Bureau. _"It's Tris…"_

"_What about… her….?" I couldn't even utter the words. I was too afraid to ask. A heavy feeling in my stomach knows what the answer is, and I don't want to accept it. I shove that feeling away. This isn't happening. She's not going to say what I think she's going to say._

_Cara looks at me and Christina who also has the same look on her face as I do, but she doesn't say anything. She's waiting, but her fear on her face says everything, "Tris went into the weapons lab instead of Caleb…" she pauses when she sees me shake my head in disbelief. "She survived the death serum and set off the memory serum." She chokes on a sob, "But she was shot so many times before Caleb had shot David to save her…" tears start to fall from her eyes and she refuses to look at me now, "They had to do an emergency operation on her, I don't know the status just yet cause I came here immediately… She had lost a lot of blood already when they took her in…" _

"_No…" I muttered. I don't believe what any of this, Tris, is alright. She cannot… Tris wouldn't leave me alone, she wouldn't go to the weapons lab instead of Caleb. But another thought crosses my mind, if the memory serum was released it might have been a chaos to operate on her if the doctors don't even know their name. But then if they are operating on her that means that it should be a good sign. _Right?

"_They don't know what else would be wrong with her… they wouldn't know until she wakes up…If she does…" she says in between sobs, "If she does… they don't know if she will…"_

_Christina just kept shaking her head, and finally when the grief was finally too heavy for her to handle, she collapses to the ground and starts crying. Christina, who always had something to say about everything, and anything in the world, is lost for words. Cara falls to her knees and holds Christina, and they both cry in each other's arms as Christina screams something I could not hear._

_I do not hear anything. I am busy with all my thought. Of course Tris would go into the weapons lab instead of Caleb, _of course _she would. I wish I could show any emotion as well. But I don't._

_All I'm doing is standing still…_

They say the next few hours are crucial for Tris' recovery… so I keep counting the time to determine if there any changes other than her chest rising and falling along with the machine helping her breath. And as well for me the next few hours are a blur, I stay with her and leave when I only have to. But that is barely… I never left her side. I refuse to leave her side. If anything happens, I refuse for her to be alone… like she had in the weapons room.

I sigh, sitting on the chair really close to her bed. In her pale state, she is the most beautiful I've ever seen. And probably the only one I will ever find beautiful.

I remember when her body hit the net, all I could register was a gray blur. I pulled her across it and her hand was small, but warm, not like now which feels cold as I hold her hand. And then she stood before me, short and thin and plain and in all ways unremarkable—except she had jumped first. A stiff jumped first. Even I didn't jump first.

I expected her eyes would open right at this moment; those same eyes were so stern, so insistent. Probably telling me or demanding me to get myself straightened out. But she doesn't, she just breaths. Never had I seen her so fragile, I've always known she has strength. She chose Dauntless because she felt brave, not because she ran away from her family like I did.

She lies on the bed, her hair away from her face. I always make sure nothing covers her beautiful face. I ignore the wires that are hooked up to her most of the time. But I know they are there, helping her. Helping her so she would come back to us… _come back to me._

I gripped her hand tighter than I should do, but I couldn't help it. I need her back to me. I place my head into her hand, "Come back to me, Tris…" I pleaded into her palm, in my vulnerability and sound of my voice it sound like a prayer. And I feel her palm wet, wet from my tears that I have been holding on to. I let the sadness swallow me and I cry on her hand. And kept repeating for her to come back to me…

_Forty Six hours, four minutes, and six seconds… _

_Four and Six…_

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a/n: I hope you like this one… R&R pleaseee? Ohhh and still feel free to share your thoughts on allegiant! 3 rant away my lovelies! I keep listening to david cook's come back to me. She has to come backkk soon! Like in the real series… come on veronica roth… she has to come to him! I cant read four's books anymore, I just want him dead instead of Tris… ok maybe not,! But still anyone but Tris! BARGANING! ahhhhh


	3. Chapter 52

a/n:Disclaimer blablabla… hehe once again, I used some of the lines in book again… gah this chapter is super looonng!

Five stages of death... Denial (check), depression(check), bargaining(Peter! Drew! Caleb! Evelyn! Marcus! Christina? Maybe Tobias! Anyone but Tris!), anger(CHECK!), acceptance(NEVER!)

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**Chapter Fifty two**

_**Tobias**_

"Four…" a soft touch on my shoulder stirs me awake, I raise my head off Tris' bed and look at who woke me up, mildly annoyed at myself for falling asleep. It was Cara, she looked wary. She was either looking at me or at the door. She looks so exhausted; the bags under her eyes are the proof to that. But I knew why, she, Matthew, and Caleb had been too busy helping out the bureau. I would have been able to help out if Tris wasn't in the state she's in.

In her eyes I could see my reflection in them. I have been trying my best to avoid the mirror because I was afraid of what I would see. I already know I look terrible but I didn't think I would look more horrible, sickly even. My hair is all sticking up all over the place, my face is covered with patchy facial hair and my eyes are darker under them. I look more exhausted than I feel. I look away from her and look at Tris again.

She's still sleeping, breathing steadily. _Sixty hours, seven minutes, five seconds… still no change._ I squeeze her hand softly; it is another secret prayer to her begging her to come back to me.

"Four…" Cara says again, a little louder this time so she'd get my attention.

I sigh. I forgot that Cara is here. It always happens when I look at Tris, she is all that matters to me now. I don't even care about what is going on outside of this room anymore. I only hear what everyone else is telling me but I don't comprehend them. "I'm sorry." I look back to her but not really looking at her.

She smiles but it doesn't reach her eyes, "It's alright…" she looks at the door again and I notice there are about six people outside the door, looking at me warily. I see the guy I accidentally punched when he woke me up too harshly and demanding me to leave. I didn't really mean to punch him though, I just had a bad dream about Tris and his voice sounded so much like David's. Exhaustion was the cause to that confusion. After that, no medical staff ever tried to wake me up if they needed to do tests on Tris only Cara or Christina tries to. They usually come do tests every eight hours or so.

I am glad that David is dead, that Caleb fatally shot him. I would have done it myself. I never thanked Caleb for that. _I should_. I look at the guy and I nod at him, he flinches and looks away. I don't blame him, I'd be afraid of me too.

Honestly, I _am_ afraid of myself. I overheard Christina talking to Zeke yesterday, She told him that I was a time bomb ready to blow up at any second, she anticipated and she knows that nothing would good would come to it either destructive to others or to myself.

He still hasn't spoken to me since they unplugged Uriah. I was there watching them pull the wires, it was the first time I thought of someone else other than Tris. I thought about how I failed Zeke, that I broke a promise. I'd understand if Zeke never speak to me, I would welcome it actually. I don't want to leave anyone if I decide to end my suffering if Tris doesn't pull through this. Christina is right. I am unstable enough to not know what I would do. That guy was a proof to it.

I gave Tris another look and I kiss her forehead, whispering against her forehead that I'd be back. I could hear the fatigue on my hoarse voice but I know the exhaustion is because leaving her. Even if it's only for an hour, not the fact that in the past sixty hours I've only had a total of eight hours of sleep on and off.

I leave the room before I decide to change my mind again; everyone parts sideways to give way to me and far enough that if I decide to hit someone else they would be out of reach.

Even though the tests usually take about an hour, it devastates me to leave her alone with strangers. Christina, Cara, Matthew, or Amar that comes in and sits with Tris when they force me to either eat or take a shower, and as normally those things I do in a rush and I always come back to her side in less than twenty minutes. Caleb is the only person I don't trust to be alone with Tris. Though I am thankful that he killed David for Tris, I still don't forgive him for letting Tris sacrifice herself instead of him.

_Sixty hours, thirty four minutes and forty six seconds, _I count the time in my head again. Twenty more minutes till I can go back to Tris. I just let my feet take where ever it wants to go, I eventually would have to stop myself if I start recognizing the route back to her room. I had to mentally think about where I'm going so I wouldn't go to her room too early.

I couldn't watch them do tests on her, it hurts too much to see the needles poke at her, a big machine to test her brain waves, and more wires hooked up to her heart. I couldn't accept the fact that Tris is not _just_ sleeping, she is actually sick and in a coma. In my mind I just think she's sleeping and anytime she'd just wake up. Look at me with those big knowing eyes of hers, smile her that beautiful smile that she has just for me and ask me what I've been doing to myself to look this horrible. Those tests wakes me up back to reality that there is a big chance that she will never wake up, that the longer she's hooked up to the machines, the lesser chance she's going to wake up… that at some point I have to make the decision of—

_I can't even think it… not at all_. I can't bring myself to let her go. Who am I to make the decision to _end _her life, to let her go?

_But it's not your choice to let her suffer though to be in between life and death either…_ A firm voice says in my head, the more logical side of me that I've been ignoring. The logical side that would have listened to Tris' warning about Nita's plans—the plan that cost Uriah's life.

"Tobias?" A voice distracts me from my disturbing thoughts; I secretly want to thank them. But the quick reflex of my body tensing up and my fist clenching. The sudden urge to either run away from him or launch at him had entered my body and consumed me. _Caleb_.

So I decided to keep walking away before I do something rash.

"Tobias, please wait!" Caleb begs. I could hear him run after me.

I take a deep breath and I stop. I do not want to look at him, to measure how much or how little, he grieves for her. And I don't want to think about how she sacrificed herself for such a miserable coward, about how he wasn't worth her to almost sacrifice her life.

Still, I do look at him. His hair is unwashed and unkempt, his green eyes bloodshot, his mouth twitching into a frown. "I don't mean to bother you," He says, "But I have something to tell you. Something… _she _told me to tell you, before…" he looks up at me but his eyes are looking everywhere but my eyes.

"Just get on with it," I say, before he tries to finish the sentence. I wanted this over with as soon as possible.

"She told me that if she didn't…" He choked, he looked at his feet. "I should tell you." He straightens out fighting off the tears, "That she didn't want to leave you…"

I should feel something, hearing probably her last words to me, shouldn't I? I feel nothing, if anything else I feel an anger brewing inside of me. That bomb getting ready to tic. And I let it escape me, "Yeah?" I say harshly, I notice him flinch and it felt good. "Then why did she? Why did she sacrifice herself for you? You should have been the one laying on the bed! Not her!" I screamed at him. My hands are shaking, they want to hit something, maybe his face but I stopped myself.

"You think I'm not asking myself that question?" Caleb says. "She loves me enough to hold me at gunpoint so she could sacrifice herself for me. I have no idea why. And also you have no clue how I would do anything to bring her back… if I could trade with her right now I would!" then he walks away before I could respond.

I stood there too stunned to move. He is right, Tris would do anything for someone she loves, and if that includes sacrificing herself then so be it.

It takes me a few more seconds to regain my posture and I start my making my way to Tris' room. I keep my head down avoiding eye contact with anyone looking at me. I hear murmurs about me, the newly memory serum induced people would talk about me, but not really about me but Tris. The girl who released the Memory Serum and reset everyone because of the corrupt system the bureau has, to fix the GD and GP nonesense.

When I finally reached her room I was surprised to see Christina standing there on the edge of Tris' bed. Having Christina here wasn't what surprised me, it is the fact that she isn't sitting on Tris' bed painting her nails with nail polish—which I'm glad for cause it usually gives me a headache, or brushing her hair, or putting on different shades of lip things (lipstick or lip gloss is what Christina calls them), or putting a little color on her cheeks so she'd look a little healthier and less sickly or chattering Tris' up informing her what is going on outside this room. Christina is the only one I could count on to have faith that Tris going to wake up from this. She is the only one who pretends that Tris is only sleeping. Her hope made my hope stronger too… she once said to me that if she fought harder for Uriah maybe he would have come back… so now she's going to try because Tris is her only friend.

But now, she's just standing there looking at Tris with a look of desperation and grief. For a second there I thought something happened to Tris but I can still hear the beeps of the machine and see her breathing. After a few more seconds, Christina finally notices me standing by the door and she looks at me. Her eyes are blood shot, nose is bright red and a few tears escaped her eyes before she finally wiped them off before they could fall. "Four," she said firmly. She turns towards me and she holds on to the railing on the end of the bed for support. I notice her shaking.

I cross my arms on my chest, waiting. I've seen that look before on so many people's faces. The look that where they think I'm crazy for fighting hard on a loss cause, that I should have given up hope already because hope was already lost when they brought her to this room, or even when they found her in the weapons room.

But I will never lose hope not when it comes to Tris. _Never. _"I wouldn't expect to see that look on your face." I finally speak after a few minutes of us just staring at each other like we were about to kill each other.

She looks away at me and looks at Tris, "I was here when they finished her tests… they think—"

"No, I am not listening to this…" I shook my head. I walk to Tris' bed and lean to kiss her forehead. "I do not need to hear this from anyone." I say quietly but I can hear the sharpness in my voice and it sounds terrifying to me but I seriously don't care.

"No, Four, you need to listen." She looks at me now; she doesn't have a pity look on her face anymore. She looks angry and determined. "Keeping her like this, is not what she would have wanted..."

"How would you know what she wanted?" I spat at her, "She fought for us and sacrificed herself for _this_ cause! We can return the favor by fighting for her in return!"

"Not like this!" She screams at me and points at the machine. "She's strong! Those machines make her look weak… this isn't what she would have wanted!"

"Those machines are a sign that she is strong, Christina. That she's still fighting to stay!" I screamed back at her, I had to clench my fist to stop myself from shaking.

She breathes as well, probably calming down too, the both of us not wanting to do anything we both regret. After a few beats she speaks again softly, "Four, if she wakes up we wouldn't even if she'll ever be the same. We wouldn't know what else would be wrong with her."

I look at Tris brushing the hair off her face that covers part of her eyes. I stifled a sob. Christina is right, after Tris' emergency operation the doctors explained to me that the bullets hit Tris' body was nearly fatal which had saved her but at the same time seven shots to her body had cause an enormous blood loss that her brain didn't have enough oxygen for so long and so fast that they don't know what other damages she would have due to it.

"Christina, don't ask me about this." I whispered. I could hear the sadness in my voice and desperation. "Don't ask me to do it…"

Christina walks up to me and puts a hand on my arm. "This is very hard for me too, Four…" her hand slides off my arm and then she sits on Tris' bed. She squeezes Tris' hand tightly. "She's the only friend I have left. I wouldn't ask this of you, if I don't think it's the best for her." She pauses and smiles sadly, "You're not the only one that loves her too."

We both watch Tris quietly and then Christina leaves me alone with her but not before she says, "I know you'll do what is best for her."

I take my usual seat close to Tris and take her hand again. It has been sixty one hours, four minutes and six seconds since wires have been attached her. The doctors said anything over seventy two hours hooked up to the machines wouldn't be good for her recovery (if she ever wakes up), especially if there are no changes in her brain waves. And the fact that Christina gave up hope means that there are still no slight changes in Tris from her tests today.

In less than 12 hours I have to make the decision to let go of her because no matter how much I try to deny the fact that I'm doing the right thing by making her fight at some point I have to do what is best for her, which is for her to stop fighting and just let her be at peace.

I lean my head on her hand again, and squeezing it tightly hoping again that she'd hear my prayer for her to come back. I don't care how desperate I am. I need her. I love her too much to let go, and I know I can't make the decision because I know it is also like deciding to kill myself.

"Tris…" I say into her hand. _Please fight harder… please…._

And as I squeezed her hand tighter, I felt her finger twitch. I jumped away from the movement. I let go of her hand thinking that I was imagining it but I wasn't. I can see her hands moving! She's moving her fingers! And her eye lids are twitching open.

Tris is coming back! She's fighting to come back! So I sit on her bed and lean towards her face my lips are touching her cheek, "Tris, come back to me. You can do this; I know you're strong enough to fight this…"

Her eyes flutters_ open_. She looks into my eyes. Her eyes wide like the first time I _really_ saw her when I helped her from the net. Her eyes were so stern, so insistent, so beautiful.

"Tris…" I cried but this time tears of joy are falling down my eyes and into her cheeks. I kissed her cheeks, her nose and her forehead. "Oh thank god…" I look at her again her eyes boring into mine.

She blinks a couple times and then I can see the panic surge through her. She raises her hand and puts it on my chest. I can feel a small push from her weak hands, but I ignore it I was too happy to see her to comprehend that she's trying to push me away from her.

The next words she says devastated me even more that I could feel my heart fall into my chest, "_Who_ are_ you?" _she shrieks at me. And then her eyes went dark as she all of a sudden screams bloody murder.

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a/n:

sorry if this is really long… please R&R and follow! Pretty please? Hope you like this! Ahhhh!


	4. Chapter 53

A/N:Thanks for the reviews… and follows. I am soo ready to write more… as usual go ahead and tell me what you think and of course rant away! I want to hear opinions of allegiant, maybe it will help me accept the end. -or not! Five stages of death... Denial (check), depression(check), bargaining(Peter! Drew! Caleb! Evelyn! Marcus! Christina? Maybe Tobias! Anyone but Tris!), anger(CHECK!), acceptance(NEVER!)

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**Chapter Fifty-three**

_**Tris**_

The light I turned away from is there calling me. It got brighter and brighter as I walk farther away from it. But it's call isnt as strong and comforting as the voices I hear in the darkness.

"Tris..." a voice in the darkness beacons me. I am compelled to that voice that I want to do everything I can to reach it.

As much I want to find who owns that voice, the light is also getting my attention. I am torn between the light and the dark. Most people usually associate darkness with fear, but i feel braver hiding within the shadows. But at the same time I am drawn to the light, like an insects that are drawn to a fire lighting up a dark room.

I made the mistake of turning around and looking at the bright light. I am slowly walking towards the light but there is a tugging feeling in my gut telling me not to go to the light. That the light isn't the freedom I want, it isn't where I should go because deep inside me I know I fear that light.

_Tris, fight for Tobias.._.a voice awakens me from my trance and I finally _see_ the light for what it is. It may be bright and beautiful but it has a menacing look to it. It made me turn around and start running away from it.

I should fight for Tobias... there is a tiny voice in my head again that is asking, _Who is Tobias._ but i ignored it. Of course I know Tobias... he's... he's...

But before I could find the answer in my mind. The hair on my back started to stand up, i start having goosebumps and my heart start racing, I'm all of a sudden anxious and scared. I knew what was happening before i could think about it, the light behind me is swallowing the shadows.

I start sprinting to the nearest shadow that hasn't been taken by the light yet. But every step I take the more the light catches up, when my feet hits the shadows the light is right there only a few inches away threatening to swallow me as it did with the darkness around me.

I do no think I can keep up with this any longer. Fatigue is slowly taking over my body. I grow weaker and weaker every second. I feel like giving up and just let the light take me.

The voices in the darkness is slowly fading away, words that I used to hear are now muffled as if they are underwater. _No!_ I wanted to scream but i needed to keep all my strength into running.

_She's strong!_ A voice screams in the darkness.

Yes! I am strong! That voice alone gave me strength to fight. To run away from the light that wants to take me into its menacing embrace.

_Tris... come back to me. Please... _

and then voices finally got louder to urge me to fight but the thing is the voices aren't in the shadows, they are in my head.

_Fight it Tris, fight it for Tobias if not for anyone else! _Caleb's voice echoes in my mind.

_You said to me that I'll always have you, Tris. So you pull through this... and come back so we can create lots of trouble in the new world that you fixed... _I could hear Christina's tears in her voice.

_You shouldn't give up... You have a lot of people waiting for you. And I'd only admit this to you because you probably wont remember... but I really don't think your nose is really too big... _Cara says guiltily and she laughs but underneath that I could hear sadness in them.

As i hear the voices in my head, I can see their faces fade away from my mind. I know who they are but i can feel them slipping away, leaving me. I try to hold on to the memories but I couldn't focus anymore because it got brighter and brighter that its starting to blind me. I feel weaker. I could feel my soul slowly leaving me, pulling me towards the light. I am so tired of fighting that i stop running and i see the darkness getting smaller and smaller, all hope of going to hiding in the darkness is gone.

I could feel a tear fall from my eyes, "Goodbye," I whisper to the darkness. I really don't know why im sad to let go of the darkness, i know in my heart there was a reason why I wanted to fight the light but I don't have another fight left in me. I am ready to let go... To let the light take me wherever it wants to take me.

And then that is when I heard a voice, a voice that made my heart alive and be filled with hope. I don't want to give up, I want to fight. I want to fight for him... To fight the light, to fight _death_.

His voice echoed in here and all he had to say was one word. His voice sounds desperate and pleading, that all I have in me wants to comfort him and reassure him. '_'Tris..''_

My hands tingle from his invisible touch. I want to hold his hand, to touch his face, to remember his face...

I felt my fingers move but when i look down my hands arent moving.

_"Tris, come back to me. You can do this; I know you're strong enough to fight this…" _His voice echoed in my head. without him knowing, his words give me stregth. He is right, I am stronger than this! I am going to fight this... I am strong!

I realize to win this battle is to _believe_ that I can fight this... to beat the light is to become the shadows that I want to hide in. The only way to do that is as simple and insane as it sounds is to close my eyes. It has to work, and i know it will work. This is the only way I'd come back to them, to come back to _him._

I could hear a noise around me, a sound of a steady _beep... beep... beep..._ i focused on that sound until it got clearer and clearer. I feel pain, i _feel _something. My arms hurt, It hurts to breath and most of all I can feel warm breath on my cheek as if someone is kissing me.

The touch caused my heart to jump and skip a few beats, my body feels tingles around it's tips and again into my cheek. My eyes immediatly opened without my brain telling it to. I stare into the most beautiful dark blue eyes I've ever seen, there is a hint of sadness in them.

"Tris..." he whispers. His voice alone caused my heart to leap out of his chest again, a feeling that _confuses _me. How can he make me feel this way?

A tear falls from his eyes and into my cheek, he leans down and kisses my cheek, nose, and forehead. "Oh thank god!"

Each time his lips touches my skin, I could feel an electric feel that tingles on the tips of my fingers and my toes making them shiver. As if, his kisses is all my body needs to heal It's wounds. I didn't understand any of this.

_I need to focus... _I could feel panic bubbling in me, it takes over me clouding my judgment. Even though his touch comforts me and all i want is to hug him back, But there is something tugging at my head saying that i need to get away... I need to keep my head straight and figure out what is going on. A few images started to play in my head but they are too blurry and for me to understand. I blinked a few times to get the images away from my eyelids but the images became more vivid and there are so many of them that my head feels like something is pounding in my brain, and the fact that _he_ is looking at me like I've saved him from his loneliness and demise confused me even more.

I raised my hand onto his chest, once again that touch causes my heart to skip a beat and then raise at the same time that I almost choked on a sob. I push him away from me with what strength I have. When he doesn't move a muscle away from me, I asked him a question that broke his heart and for some odd reason that pain causes my heart to clench in pity. "Who are you?"

But before he could answer the question, the images that I saw a few seconds ago comes at me all at once that I could feel my eyes go back into my head... Images that now i know are memories... they come at me like someone is making me watch a movie but it is played in fast forward...

_Ferris wheel, a kiss with someone at the chasm, my hand on a glass holding on to a hand on the other side of it, my hands running on tattoos on someone's back, a young man lifelessly being thrown on the other side of the building as a big boulder hits him on the head, a bullet hitting a young man square between the eyes, a woman falling as bullets hit her body, a man getting shot a few more times in his stomach, another man standing on a ladder getting shot a hundered times and he falls 8 stories below..._

_and then i could hear gunshots and pain races through me. The gun goes off again, more pain surges though me._ The next thing i hear is a scream, a scream that escaped my lips. The sound of it reminds me of someone being tortured... but i feel like it anyway. The images in my head wont stop playing and the more memories escape my brain the more it feels like someone is drilling into my skull and twisting my brain. All I could do is scream, hoping that my screams would block more images from my head... _pained _images in my mind.

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**a/n: i know that this is kinda blaa... but i hope you like it... R&R please...**


	5. Chapter 54

**A/N:Thanks for the reviews… and follows. Im lost.. but its ok ill keep writing maybe if you want me to :P as usual go ahead and tell me what you think and of course rant away! I want to hear opinions of allegiant, maybe it will help me accept the end. -or not! Five stages of death... Denial (check), depression(check), bargaining(Peter! Drew! Caleb! Evelyn! Marcus! Christina? Maybe Tobias! Anyone but Tris!), anger(CHECK!), acceptance(NEVER!)**

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**Chapter Fifty-four**

_**Tobias**_

I have been watching Tris outside of her hospital room for the past couple of hours, watching doctors and nurses check on her every fifteen minutes or just watching Caleb talk to Tris while she's still sleeping. They had to sedate her and restrain her, that's why she's being checked constantly and have someone who is sitting there with her at all times.

When she screamed, she thrashed around so much that she almost fell off the bed. It took me and Matthew to hold her down; she knocked out a couple nurses who tried to help me holding her down. She was screaming for my name, saying she had to find me because I had the answers.

I could hear Matthew's voice head…. _"Tris, Tobias is here, that's him…" Matthew is holding Tris' arms while I am trying my best to hold her legs down to prevent her from kicking me off. Matthew tries his best to point at me without._

_Tris just kept shaking her head, "No! No! He's not Tobias… Tobias is… Tobias is… He's…." then she shrieks in pain that Matthew and I let her go immediately thinking that we are hurting her. _

_She puts her hands on her head and starts grabbing at her hair and she just keeps squealing as if someone was torturing her. Her eyes are squeezed shut and calls for my name again. I want to reach for her and hold her to tell her that I am here but I am too stunned to move. All I could hear are her screams and when she asked me who I am a few minutes ago…_

I couldn't really process what is going on back then until now. The only thing I could think of is that Tris is awake, but she doesn't remember me… _"Who are _you_?" _I could hear her horror when she was pushing me away from her. Her screams echoes in my head again, they never really go away even though they sedated her. I had to stop myself from tearing up as I watched her fall to the medication, the last word she breathed was my name.

When she finally fell asleep, they restrained her just in case the dose wasn't enough to put her to sleep or her being a divergent might prevent the medication from working. Matthew sat with me for a few minutes before he left me alone to ask questions about how Tris is doing. He was only here to sit with her so I can maybe eat. He didn't really expect to have to hold down a hysterical Tris with me.

The doctors explained to me that they think Tris might have a post-traumatic stress due to massive blood loss that almost caused her to have a brain injury. They sedated her because they think her brain needed more rest after that massive activity that led to her hysteria and the fact that she does have a few broken bones from the bullet crushing her ribs and her knee cap, and the stitches she has from her surgery. The doctors didn't want her to make them worse with her trashing around she might reopen the stitches.

There is a tugging in my mind telling me what is going with Tris. I briefly mentioned to Matthew, and that's when he decided to leave and talk to the doctors. And the fact that he hasn't back gives me a hunch that I might be right.

"So, how is she doing?" Christina asks me, she stand beside me watching Caleb who is sitting in the room with Tris. He is holding her hand and talking to her. She's jealous with Caleb talking and being there with Tris. A tear falls from her eye, she immediately wipes it off, "Did the doctors say anything yet?" she asks, she clears her throat and straightens up.

I lean on the railing on the wall, "Good for now. They are going to do tests on her later when she's awake or soon."

"After they explain to her why she's strapped to the bed." She says bitterly.

I sigh, "Or that..." I rest my head on the glass window to cool my forehead.

"Do you know what happened? I heard she was looking for you but she didn't recognize you at all?"

I pinched the bridge of my nose, frustrated. I didn't need to be reminded that Tris didn't know who I was, while yelling for me. The look on her face broke my heart as well. I wanted so bad to hold her but I know I shouldn't for her sake. "I don't know I'm not a doctor." But I sigh, "They think it just might a temporary memory loss from the trauma her brain endured…"

Christina looks at me, she gives me a small smile, but it didn't reach her eyes. "I'm sorry." She watches Tris with the longing and despair of not being at her side. I know this because I am feeling the same way right now. I want to hold Tris' hand instead of Caleb.

After a few moments of silence between me and Christina, I spoke up, "Why don't you go inside?"

She groaned, "You know why I will not or I shouldn't…"

"Christina," I sighed. Of course I know why but I have to hear it from her.

"Four… you were there. I asked you to do what is best for Tris, to let her go. And not an hour later she wakes up." Angry tears started to fall from her eyes. She wiped them off immediately, "If you would have listened to me… she…" She stopped not wanting to finish the sentence. She put her head down too guilty to look at Tris.

I laughed. She turns and glares at me. "First of all, I wouldn't have listened to you." I grinned. She just crosses her arms at her chest and rolls her eyes at me. She knows all too well that I don't really listen to her suggestions, "Second of all, you were just doing what you thought was right… as what I was doing. I was never going to give up on her." I cocked my head to the side, my forehead touching the glass window.

She just sighs and didn't say anything; she still feels guilty about Tris so I added, "I'm sure she will understand." I lightly patted her shoulder, "I'm sure that's why she woke up just to prove you wrong."

This time she smiled, "That could be true. I always underestimated her strength."

I sigh, "We always did." I knew that Tris is strong and brave but I always forget that someone so small and fragile looking could have that much strength and bravery. She is even braver than me and Christina who tower over her.

We fell silent again, and this time Christina broke the silence we shared, "Why aren't you in there then?"

I stare at her amusingly and start to laugh when she gives me a quizzical look. She frowns at me when I started laughing again, the sound is so strange to my ears. I haven't laughed like this in days. It actually feels good to laugh sincerely. "Because when I woke up I may have kissed her…" I shake my head, "No that's a lie I kissed her. I'm not sure if she screamed because a stranger was kissing her or because she remembered things."

"No…" She widens her eyes and bites her lip to stop herself from laughing.

"Yep, she probably thinks I take advantage of unconscious girls with the way I was kissing her when she woke up."

"Oh no…" She says again and this time she's laughing and I laugh with her. "Well, if someone explains to her what happened then she'll probably understand and can redeem yourself."

"Hopefully…" I muttered, "That's why Caleb is sitting there with her to explain everything to her when she wakes up."

Her smile disappeared from her face and anger replaced them, "What?" she hissed

My eyebrows met in confusion, I'm very surprised with her anger. "Caleb is the only who knows Tris' past apart from me as well…?" My statement turned into a question.

"No." she says firmly, her hands are shaking from anger and she clenched her fist to stop herself from shaking.

"No?" I ask

"Caleb has no right to be there…" she grumbles under her breath trying to keep her composure. "I know Tris as well… and ill do it." She walked into Tris' room startling Caleb who is teary eyed sitting on Tris' bed. She started screaming at him and she sits on her bed instead of him. She brushed her hair away from Tris' face and started talking to her. Caleb just looks at me and smiles sadly. He takes the empty seat beside the bed.

I understand why she's upset with Caleb and why she didn't want him alone with Tris. I feel the same way or still do. But I realized that Tris sacrificed herself for him because she did indeed forgave him. And I could also see his misery about Tris as well. I pity him a little because he's been alone to deal with this tragedy. I had people there to comfort me or try to anyways. When he found out Tris woke up, he was the first one here asking if everything was alright. The tears of joy in his eyes were falling freely. I was the one that asked him to stay with her until she woke up.

Another half an hour passes; a few more doctors check up on Tris, there also did a test with Tris that took another half an hour. Caleb, Christina and I were outside watching as they put some weird helmet on her and after the test they finally took the restraints off. They also said that she'd be waking up anytime now. I do not know how long I've just been standing there observing Tris' that I didn't even notice Cara and Matthew standing there beside me, "Hey," I finally spoke after a few more minutes of silence.

"How is she doing?" Matthew asked me. A glint in his eyes makes me realize that he knows something important.

I sighed; I gave Christina a knowing look before I turned to look at Matthew. "I don't know, you tell me,"

Christina gets up from Tris' bed and walks out the room. She gives Cara a brief hug, "So, what is going on?" she says impatiently.

Caleb followed after her, he just standing by the door and gives me a short nod. He leans on the open door, waiting.

Matthew and Cara exchange glances as if trying to figure out who should say something first. Matthew decides to talk first, "I'll try to keep this as simple as possible." He says to me and Christina. He's scratching his head probably thinking of how to start. "So you know how divergent brain works—"

"Yes! It gives me a headache but just tell us what is wrong!" She snaps at him.

"Christina…" I say sternly and she just shrugs at me.

He clears his throat, "We tested a few people who succumbed to the memory serum and Peter,"

"Peter?" Christina asks.

"Christina if you let Matthew finished then maybe you won't have to ask so many questions." Cara glares at Christina who is blushing and nodded for Matthew to continue.

Even though I understand Christina's anxiety, I'm glad I don't have to reprimand her again. She needs to be patient because she is slowly getting into my nerves, "Go ahead Matthew."

"Peter because when he took the memory serum, he asked not to be reminded anything from his past or even anything at all other than his name." He looks at me for conformation, when I nodded he continues, "And the other volunteers that we reset but told them a new memory. I was looking at their brain waves." Then he starts to ramble really fast that I had to concentrate really hard to pay attention, "You see your brain stores memories and when those memories are triggered that part of the brain that stores it shows that those memories exist in the brain. Even with short term—"

"English! Don't go scientific on me you're giving me a headache… and please don't ramble…" Christina complains and rubs her forehead. Her eyes looked like her eyes were going to bug out of her eyes with how confused she was a while ago.

Cara released an exasperated sigh, "In simpler terms Christina when we tested the made up memories we gave the volunteers that part of their brain light up that store those memories. And then with Peter when we showed his memories of course it didn't trigger anything because he doesn't have them anymore."

"Okay…?" Christina hesitates to ask, "So when you tested her with her memories did they trigger anything?"

Matthew and Cara looked at each other again, they look nervous. Cara spoke up, "Yes and no…"

"When we showed her those memories it barely registered that it did in her brain. The light was so dim that you could barely see it." Matthew says sadly.

"The only thing that triggered something is her name and you…" Cara adds she gives me a sad look as if Tris recognizing me wasn't really good news.

Christina scratches her confused, "But she didn't recognize Four."

I just stood there quietly with my palms pulling on the back of my neck, nails digging into them to distract me from my anxiety. I am slightly annoyed at Christina because she keeps interrupting Cara and Matthew every time. I glared at Christina but she isn't looking at me.

"That's the interesting part, her brain didn't trigger any memory on Four's face but of her memories of his name did." Matt answers.

"What?" Christina breathed

On the corner of my eye I could see Caleb shift uncomfortably. He obviously knows more than what is explained. And the fact that he is also Erudite he can understand it all. He is still waiting to hear the answer to his unanswered question. He notices me watching him and his mouth twitches a smile but he is too nervous and anxious.

"I think the final words before she went on the coma stuck with her, that's when her brain got clouded with the memory serum." Matthew says then he turns to Caleb, "What did you say to her? Word for word."

"Her name, I said her name a lot." Then Caleb shifts to stare at me in the eye, "I also told her to fight for it, and if not for anything else to fight for Tobias."

I heard Christina gasp; I just keep staring at Caleb who just turned away from us and walks in the Tris' room, he sighs then resumes his seat by her Tris' bed. He lays his bed on the foot of her bed and starts crying.

"Okay… why is he crying? He clearly understands what is going on. We don't!" Christina says angrily and points to me and her.

I roll my eyes at her, annoyed that she thinks I do not know what is going on. Of course I know why Caleb is crying. Caleb crying confirms what I believed a while ago about Tris' situation. That I was right all along, "Tris' subconscious is locking away those memories?"

Cara smiles at me. She's happy that I understand everything. As close as she and Christina had become in the past few weeks, I think she still finds Christina's impatience and Candor side annoying. "Yes. We think that she did probably succumb to the memory serum."

"But Tris can fight all the serums!" Christina argues, she's still refuses to believe in what is going on.

I shake my head this time, "Tris wasn't able to fight the peace serum…" I sighed because I know I'm lying. "She chose not to fight that serum…" I remember when Tris was under the influence of the peace serum. How happy and carefree she was. How one kiss from her made her giggle. Even though she wasn't_ my_ Tris and she worried me, I did enjoy watching her be happy with no troubles of the war that we were fighting.

Matthew nods and speaks directly to Christina, "She has to mentally fight the serum. Her brain had to tell her that she's under the influence of the serum." He puts a hand on her shoulder and squeezes it for comfort the teary eyed Christina, "With all the blood loss, her brain can only fight so much. Especially after fighting the death serum, she was probably too weak to fight it."

"So she lost all her memories? You think she can't get them back?" Christina asks quietly, she gives Cara a look desperation begging to give her good news.

"Possibly, they are still there… but I think it's her choice now if she wants to." Cara says sadly, she grabs Christina's hand and squeezes them.

"Can't we just give her the memory serum again? We can just give her memories back that way…" Christina says hope glinting in her eyes.

Matthew keeps shaking her head, "It is not that simple Christina. One cannot be given the memory serum that close together. Other functional memories might be taken away, we can't take those risks. It is either she'd lose the memories she's hidden or fight the serum this time. if she does succumb to the next dose of a memory serum and give her those memories. Her being divergent might back fire. The memories we would return for her, she might think it's a simulation." He explains.

"What are we going to do then?" Christina cries.

. I grabbed my forehead and squeezed my temples I could hear Tris' screams in my head again. "You didn't hear her screams when she woke up, Christina." I wince at the memory, "She sounded like someone was torturing her. Tris has experienced a lot of grief moments in the few months. She dealt with it as much as she could. But if she her mind did protect her from the memory serum and then all her memories come rushing back all at once, it would destroy someone too… just enough for her mind to lock those away and probably succumb to the serum."

"But she is alive…" Christina whispers.

"Yes, she is still alive. She came back to us. All she needs is a lot of work to help her be able to move around with her broken bones. But if she did lose her memory then we'll just be there for her and be the living memories of what she sacrificed for us. And if she wants to remember then we'll help her." I say with great conviction because I know it is the truth. "She's alive…. That's all that matters." I gripped on the railing really hard that my knuckles whiten.

"You are right." Christina says. I can see in her eyes that my words have reassured her. And actually my words have brought comfort to me as well.

"Christina!" Caleb calls. He stands up from the chair and is standing really close to Tris who is slowly waking up.

"I'll go get the doctors…" Matthew says and he runs to the direction of the nurse's station.

Christina and I shared a look, I gave her short nod. "Go, just give her time Christina and don't force her to remember." I say before she goes into Tris' room. She smiles at me, agreeing with me. She goes to sit on Tris' bed and takes her hand.

I watch Christina and Caleb with jealousy. I wanted so bad to be there with them to. I want to be the one to hold her and tell her everything is going to be alright; that no matter what happens I'll never leave her side. I still love her and will always love her even if she doesn't remember. But here I am watching on the side lines. Loving her from a far like I did when she was still a Dauntless initiate.

Cara puts a hand on my back. "It'll be alright Four. You are right, she is alive that is all that matters." She says to comfort me.

I nod my thanks as I couldn't find the strength to speak anymore. All my energy is watching the doctors talking to Tris who is finally woken up. She just looks at them with the same wide, stern and insistence in her eyes like the first time I pulled her from the net. She keeps a brave face for Christina and Caleb but only I could see the slight shake of her hands. I want to tell her that she's being selfless and brave. That no matter what, she's still _my _Tris…

But right now all I could think of is that she's still alive and it's all that matters.

She turns her head to where I am standing watching her. She gazes at me and I am glad I do not see the fear in her eyes the first time she woke up from her coma. All I could see is questions in them and a hint of admiration, the same look she'd give me when she would catch me watching her when we were in the living in the Dauntless compound.

I give her a smile before she looks away from me and listens to the doctors. _Yes she's still alive and that's all that matters. _I say to myself again.

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**a/n**

**Next chapter I promise Tris and Tobias moments maybe M rated on later chapterssssss R&R pleeeaaasssee? One super long Tobias chapter again… hope you enjoyed**


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